Little Orphan Annie knew all about what it’s like as a child to live a “hard knock” life, and yet she did so with such optimism and resilience we fell in love with her. And, after suffering with her through all she endured, we were grateful that it all turned out right in the end when Daddy Warbucks adopted her.

But we all know that not all children survive, let alone thrive, under the harsh realities of their upbringing. But those who do survive and write about it gift us with their experiences.

Recently I’ve been reading quite a few excellent books that bring to life in heartbreaking detail what it is like to live with parents who struggle with addiction and mental illness. They also detail the heroic way these children, despite all the suffering, rise to the occasion and with wit and grit and manage not only to survive, but thrive, in the end. These kind of stories, whether memoirs or carefully researched novels, not only shine a light on what its like to grow up under challenging conditions, but help us to understand and empathize with what others are going through. They teach us what it takes to survive, and if we too have suffered in similar ways, help us to know we are not alone.

Below are thoughts and reviews of three books, one memoir and two novels: Surviving Sue, All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, and Demon Copperhead.

Surviving Sue, By Dr. Vicki Atkinson

An inspirational survivor’s story about a daughter and her life living with a mother who was riddled with alcoholism, Alzheimer’s, depression, and Munchausen’s.

I met Vicki when she subscribed to my blog and then generously volunteered to be an early reader and reviewer of my novel When Things Go Missing. That’s when I found her blog Victoria Ponders and learned that she too had written a book. It was an amazing read. Here’s my review:

“Surviving Sue is a tender, heart-breaking and meticulously detailed memoir about surviving the trauma of growing up with an abusive and mentally unstable mother. We come to know not only the author’s mother, but her affectionate father who is often away on business, her beloved disabled sister who also suffers at her mother’s hands, her aunts and uncle who appear and disappear throughout the narrative, and the many teachers and caretakers who come to the author’s aide and give her the love and validation she needs to cope with her mother’s neglect and abuse.

What is remarkable is how the author gives the reader the full context of her mother’s life, from birth to death. We learn how the mother became this way, how her chaotic relationships with other members of her family evolved, how she became a strong advocate for disabled children and a leader in the field, even while using her daughter’s disability to promote her own needs and self-esteem.

In addition, we see how the author strives to protect her sister while learning how to cope with her mother’s illness. Most of all, we learn how the author grows strong and wise and compassionate despite all she suffers. She is evidence of the old truism: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Writing about trauma is healing not only for the writer but for the reader as well. For those readers who have suffered or are suffering from similar trauma, it helps them to know they are not alone and gives them coping mechanisms to emulate. For those who have not suffered this way, it gives them a peek into another’s life and helps build empathy and awareness. I learned a lot from reading the excellent memoir and highly recommend it. I am so grateful to the author for giving me a copy of her book.” 

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, by Bryn Greenwood

I found this novel when I was looking for books about families living with addiction. It was rated very highly with tons of exemplary and intriguing reviews, like: “Shocking and unexpectedly touching”; “Instantly absorbing . . . Raw, gripping narrative”; “So freakishly good and dangerous that it should come with a warning label”; and “An outstanding debut novel.” Since I had just written my debut novel, I was, of course, super curious. I was not disappointed. It was a shocking and riveting read.

Like Surviving Sue, we follow a young girl, Wavey, growing up with abusive parents who neglect her. But unlike Vicki, Wavey has almost no support system (teachers, counselors, family members) to help her cope. She refuses to talk and won’t eat when others are watching, so people think she’s slow, although it turns out she’s highly gifted. The one person who does offer support, she latches onto and won’t let go of. Kellen, in turn, latches onto her. He’s a much older man who works for Wavey’s drug dealing father. He too suffers from an abusive upbringing. Kellen and Wavy offer not only supportive care and friendship to each other, but a sense of belonging and being loved that they experience nowhere else.

It’s a tender and sweet relationship that grows ugly: not in their eyes–but those who are, understandably, worried and shocked by the age difference. Reading this novel, it’s a wonder that people who have suffered in life as these two have survive at all. But they do, and in some ways, in the end, thrive as well.

Demon Copperhead, by Barbara Kingsolver

I don’t know why it took me so long to read this Pulitzer Prize winning novel. It’s been compared to Dicken’s David Copperfield and also Twain’s Huckleberry Finn. A coming-of-age story set during recent times in rural Appalachia, after the mines close up and families suffer from chronic underemployment, poverty and addiction. Yet, Demon’s story is told with humor and compassion and a voice you fall in love with. It opens with this:

“First, I got myself born. A decent crowd was on hand to watch, and they’ve always given me that much: the worst of the job was up to me, my mother being let’s just say out of it.”

It turned out his mother had passed out on the trailer floor with a needle in her arm to fight the pain as Demon was pushed from the womb. There was no one there to rescue him from the bag full of water (placenta) he was trapped in, so he had to punch his way to freedom on his own. In a way, that’s a metaphor for the whole story, how Demon, who has no one to take care of him, has to tear himself out of one desperate situation after another.

Like Demon said, “A kid is a terrible thing to be, in charge of nothing.” But the people in his life who were supposed to be in charge failed miserable: needy childlike mom; mean jealous stepdad; overworked, underpaid child welfare workers; dirt-poor families who fostered kids to put food on the table and resented having to share it; and others who fostered them for the slave-labor fringe benefits.

It’s a heavy read but lightened by the humor and by Demon’s folksy wisdom and sharp insights into the human condition. And it’s deepened by the unforgiving light Kingsolver throws on the foster-care system and the plight of families living in rural Appalachia, where Football is King and Redneck is a rebel cry of defiance against a world that has no respect or use for them.

In Summary

What these three books have in common are three gifted, resourceful, and resilient children who, despite their harsh upbringing, care about others and are determined to make something of themselves. They are the diamonds in the rough who shine despite the mud clinging to them. But there are others, just as worthy but less gifted, perhaps, less resilient, who are still struggling under the weight of the abuse, poverty, and addiction that has befallen them. These stories may help them to see themselves in a new light, to find a new way out of that bag they were born into, to feel they are not alone and there is yet hope for them too.

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While my novel When Things Go Missing isn’t about kids, it is about people struggling with addiction and a sense of loss, looking for love and a sense of belonging. It’s about a family falling apart and trying to find its way home again. You can pre-order it now on Amazon,  Bookshop,  Barnes & Noble