Tags
Aging, Flash Fiction, Growing Old Together, Love, Love Story, Marriage, short stories, short story
Us, Ancient
by Deborah J. Brasket
You know what I love most about swimming? How perky my breasts get. All round and full and buoyant. Gorgeous, really! And floating right up there where they should be.
It’s so deflating when I get out.
My husband tells me not to worry. He still sees me perfect.
“What? When you shut your eyes?”
“Well, I don’t have to shut them.”
“I’m just saying . . . .” he says, when I give him that look.
He tries.
But I know what he means, this man who is fast turning into his father the older he grows. And his father! That scrawny, bald-headed buzzard was never much to look at, even when we met. Certainly nothing like his son, who I’m telling you, was hot enough to burn rubber back then.
But that’s not how I see him now. Not as his father, and not as he 
was when we first said I do.
There comes a time when the body loses its elasticity to such a degree, that you just start spilling out of it. You just aren’t there anymore.
That person in the mirror? Not me now. Not sure where I am. Hovering somewhere around the body maybe. But more outside than in. And him, too. This man I married.
What I see now is not a body, but a being. A living, thinking, breathing being who just happens to fit perfectly into my arms. Someone I want to grow old with. And not just “till-death-do-you-part” old. But old. As in ancient.
Man-in-the-moon old. Mountains melting into the sea, old. Earth spinning off its axis, old.
Starships dodging dark holes, novae bursting into newness. . . . you see what I mean.
Us, swimming like dolphins through the universe, old. That’s how I see us.
This short story first appeared, in a slightly different version, in Drunk Monkeys in October 2013. You can read it online HERE.
Here’s another short story I wrote:
“13 Ways of Looking at Dying, Just Before, And the Moment After”
And here’s a true-life love story:
Deborah J. Brasket 
Great post, thank you. My wife will often ask me if I find her attractive like I did back when we were young(er) and dating. I try to tell her YES, that I still see her like that in many ways, but you’re right it’s different. I can look and see the wrinkles, the added hip weight, the way gravity takes over…but in my heart, if my heart were to have eyes, I see her just as beautiful as the day she walked down the isle and agreed to put up with me forever.
However, as a footnote…I still see MYSELF that way internally as well…until I look in the mirror, and I wonder how my in the world I became my father without noticing.
Thank you for sharing this comment here. It’s so lovely to know that other couples feel the same way. Perhaps it’s a universal experience, at least the part about how we see those we love and ourselves as we age.
I have a wonderful memory of my grandparents when they were still here. At the time of this moment etched so permanent in my mind they had been married for 50 years. When they walked together, they still held hands. Whether it was into church or in the supermarket. I knew that what they had was something very special, and somehow, they still saw each other as if they were still young…
Oh! I loved this and it is so true. I met my husband of five years when we were just beginning to change. I was 46, and had been quite the looker, but he doesn’t see me any different now, just because I am. We want to continue to grow together.
Isn’t love grand! Thank you for sharing here.
Wonder full isnt life!
Thanks
Yes, it is!
Deborah,
Thank you for a few reasons:
1. I love swimming
2. I love to feel love
3. Dolphins are cool…..and I hope to participate in a Teacher at Sea NOAA program this summer on some tropical sea.
4. I love great thought provoking writing! To read it and to generate something that approaches it.
5. I love life and searching for meaning.
6. Thank you. 🙂
What a great list! Thank you so much.
Hi Deborah–As I enter that phase of physical decline (I’m 45), it is nice to hear this affirmation of the extra-physical aspects of a relationship! I swim laps, and it is funny how my body always feels so lean when it stretches its way across the pool, and then I realize outside the pool that stomach is still flabby, and no matter how much I swim, it will probably stay that way (I think of it as a baby pouch awaiting the next occupant, who will never arrive because we are done with baby-making even if my body isn’t yet). In other words, I can relate!
Thanks, Kelly. Yes, we all go through this, and it’s hard sometimes. I love the bit about the “baby pouch”! A good thing about aging is the incentive to identify less with the body and more with the mind and heart–what’s inside, in ourselves and each other. Not to say that isn’t hard too.
This is gorgeous. I try to live every moment of struggle and ease in my relationship with the same perspective of “I will never have enough time with this person”. Life and its events happen no matter who you’re with, and it’s hoping that you’re with the person you want to laugh with, cry with or even share waffles and ice cream at an old fashioned diner when neither of you can sleep at 3am! Great blog, have a good day – thanks for the reminders. -Christine
I think the same thing too. My husband and I were talking about that just today. How our little parts in this play of things won’t allow us to see how it all ends, this tale of woe and beauty that is our present state of affairs in the world. We will leave the stage without seeing the ending. How sad is that! But there’s always “waffles and ice cream” at the end of this journey (I love that!) and that’s not so bad either.
“Earth spinning off its axis old.” Love it. 🙂
Thank you!
Wonderful post. My husband said something to me the other day about how I still looked the same way… I gave him an eye and then realized he was being serious. I suppose as couples we grow together and we are not ‘aware’ of the changes. Hard to believe, but it seems to be the case.
Thanks Brenda. It’s like we can see the whole spectrum of ourselves at once, and see ourselves at any point of that spectrum. How interesting. So glad you stopped by here.
You captured my heart with this offering!
My husband and I, who agreed early that we would be second in each others lives (the Lord being our first Love…)…we feel so “knit” together that, whether we talk about something pertaining to this life…or in the life to come…it feels seamless: eternity is already pulling us forward…
I so look forward to every post you write!
“Seamless”–I like that. That’s how I see it too, this thread of our lives spinning out before and after. Thank you for coming here and responding to my post. I appreciate it so much.
This is lovely, Deborah. Really true and honest and I could completely Identify with these feelings. Being in love is something beyond the body. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you!
Oh My. So beautiful.
And I kept forgetting that it’s a “story” and read it as a poem.
gorgeous.
I love that you read it as a poem. Thank you!
I find myself hoping this is true. Not just something you made up. As a divorced middle-aged woman, I don’t know what it’s like to be loved or love without that rockin’ body, etc. But I’m hoping it’s out there.
It is fiction, but based on real life experience. I’m not alone, judging by others who have responded to the story. It is out there. We are so much more than the shape of our bodies. All the best.
I’m just starting to enter that time when my physical looks are changing to a degree that I can foresee what I might look like at age 70. It’s frightening, in some ways, but you make it seem just lovely.
I think it’s just life, at any age, that is lovely. Or can be. But it is definitely not easy watching ourselves change in the mirror into something we don’t necessarily identify with anymore.
Ah, buoyant boobies … This made me smile. I love mine best, after all these years, when we’re aquatic! So many of these details match my lived experience. While I do not have a partner at present, a great deal of my self-care is focused on making peace (and not war) with my being—both physical and emotional. It’s quite shocking and curious at times to discover who this middle aged person is looking back at me from the mirror. I’m proud of my body for all that it has accomplished and endured. And I’m still wrapping my brain around just how glorious a fact it is that a youthful, internal self can co-exist with an aging body …
I like that–making peace, not war, with our being. We often don’t think of the latter part of our lives as an adventure, but it really is–discovering new things about ourselves and life all the time. So glad you stopped here to leave a note.
I love this story. That’s how I see my husband too. Thank you so much for sharing.
I’m glad you liked it. Thanks so much for stopping here and commenting.
Deborah, this is beautiful … I adore all the beautiful ways you have described old
“Man-in-the-moon old. Mountains melting into the sea, old. Earth spinning off its axis, old. Starships dodging dark holes, novae bursting into newness. . . . Us, swimming like dolphins through the universe, old.
Thank you, LB. That means so much to me!
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Deborah, this is beautiful! I long dream of “growing old” with someone! It’s nice to think there is a lot to look forward to. Beautifully written!
I’m so glad you liked it! Thank you for leaving your response.
I love this piece so much! Love evolves as bodies too – in young years it is tight like our skin and we sag, we let the love oxidize – filling us with more possibilities, even if it means rotting our flesh. But then there is a whole lot of beauty in that too!
Yes, I like that–evolving love and an evolving relationship with our evolving bodies. So glad you stopped by here.